Motherhood

It was never supposed to be a one-size-fits-all but a unique role…like an individual fingerprint.

Only ‘you’ can hold that imprint.

It’s yours to design.

Report Cards

They were never a true reflection of my full intelligence,

merely a report on how well I assimilated into one mould of learning.

Gender Roles

The script about our roles and identity was a constructed play developed by culture.

What we do with our roles is entirely up to ourselves.

Scarcity

The high vigilance to protect ‘what is’

keeps us restrained from the abundance of ‘what can be’.

Fear

Its job was not to keep you frozen in place. 
Its job was to nudge you to move in the direction you need to move best for you.

Expectations

They were never going to be satisfied with how you fulfilled their hopes and ideals.
Inhale, exhale.
You are enough.

Limitations

They can be torn down; it just takes work.

Things I Am Learning to Unlearn was written after realizing how much I was processing through old belief systems. Everything from one’s childhood to one’s adulthood, we collect ‘so-called’ truths from our environments and ultimately, if we are privileged and aware enough, spend the entirety of our lives unlearning what we took on that was never ours to believe in the first place.

I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts often considered taboo.

34 notations, lessons, observations and gold found.

*In no particular order.

1. Pursue the deep, the wonder and the voiceless…there is always gold in what has not yet been given light.

2. Anyone that leaves you behind has lost the plot. Their time in your story has passed and if they resurface, only you can say if they belong in the new pages of your story or not.

3. Resist the temptation to repeat old patterns / ways of connecting. You do it different.

4. No one wants to leave you. They simply haven’t healed themselves enough to stay.

5. You have the strongest ties to the ones that will be there for the worst of it all. Give those ties a tug when needed. They’ll be there.

6. Your bit of earth is rich and vibrant. Watch it grow and cultivate it during the quiet seasons. Quiet doesn’t mean fallow.

7. Everything that is inside you that tells you are unintelligent is a lie. Your intelligence moves mountains not only outwardly but on the insides of others. Don’t hide your processing and thoughts. It’s your calling to share.

8. Celebrate every win. Don’t shy away from being proud.

9. Listen to your gut. It has never steered you wrong.

10. If you thought ‘family’ was a word to pitch your tent to, think again. Learn. Connect and learn again.

11. Lean not on others, but stand upright on the two feet you were given.

12. Take up space and hold space in every room you walk into.

13. Reject every 'othering’ narrative that seeks to control a room.

14. Embrace the woman and mothering ways that only you uniquely inhabit.

15. Work on what you are aware of, stay learning and work some more.

16. Be the friend you need and want… but draw the line at being used and sucked dry.

17. Process every wound and give it air. Work to find it’s best healing and do not deny its presence and process.

18. Expect more from yourself. You are already capable of more than you realize.

19. If you were told to let someone else do it in your childhood / young adult years, give it a go alone. See if you are capable. (you probably are.)

20. Drive. Stay independant. Never let fear drive the car.

21. Dress to please you and how you want to present yourself. Not for anyone else.

22. When faced with misogyny / sexual misconduct, do not accept the blame. Call out the toxic patriarchy and let your words speak for themselves.

23. Stay courageous, vulnerable and open….and share when you feel safe.

24. Rather than letting them define you, define yourself.

25. Travel when it suits you. If it doesn’t, don’t. If it does, do.

26. You always know when it’s time for a change. Your restless heart beat will let you know.

27. Others won’t be ready for your changes, but you will be. Let that be enough.

28. Protect your independence and ability to stand on your own two feet. Question anyone who wants to make you dependant.

29. Question anyone who puts you on a pedestal.

30. “Just between us” is a death sentence.

31. Move your body. You will always feel better after.

32. Anyone you have loved has gotten a glimpse of heaven through your love…don’t discredit your heart and what you have given.

33. Stay witty. You are a firecracker and they love that about you. (& it keeps you alive for yourself)

34. Stay you. Stay Amy freaking Grace.

“They/Them vs. We/Us”
Elevating our perspectives, experiences and perceived knowledge by keeping anyone believed as ‘other’ in a category of ‘they/them.’

Identifying a human being with the identifier of ‘Clown / Fool / Idiot/use of a Clown Emoji’.
In the arena of supposed adult intellectual conversation, leveraging and permitting the art of playground name-calling.
A Special Note:
On a School playground, we call this bullying.
In the arena of adults: this is still called bullying.

“Must Be Nice”
Words said to make you feel unsettled in what you have, subsequently diminishing the struggles of what you don’t have.
A Special Note:
The Dictionary defines this as jealousy.

Use of “Hun/Hunny” and other pet names in conflict.
To degrade, dismiss and control the concerns/narratives of another.

“Are you sure this is the hill you want to die on?”
Because they took it and they think you should too.

“It’s okay."
Used to assure you that the rise of alarm bells within you doesn’t matter.

“Fake”
Diminishing a person with one word to control the narrative.

How We Dehumanize Others was written from a place of trauma and ache.
We walk on this earth in such a vulnerable state as humans, and yet we rarely take a minute to look around us. No comparison is needed, no dressing down required, and no mic drop moment desired to recognize we are all mere humans surviving on this earth.

A gradual conviction grew in me over the past decade where I recognized how I, those around me and anyone could so easily strip another person's human identity from them with mere words.

Our words can be as resounding as a gun.

& for this ‘I Never Promised,’ I specifically want to highlight the Evangelical Christians who raised me. The ones who spout words online as if it’s their right, yet how often do they pause and think about the words they use? The vitriol they are spilling all over the screens of others. For what?

Solidarity?

For Christians, there should be a higher standard in words, yet the lack of care, tenderness and compassion so often shakes me.

I have been dehumanized not just by people's callous statements but also by those who raised me. Who so easily strip me of my humanity with how they talk about my profession, friends, colleagues and life.

We must demand more from ourselves.

More from our humanity.

& especially more from the practice of a faith which claims Grace as its saviour.

I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts that are often considered taboo.

Over the winter I worked alongside the Mainstreet Nova Scotia team to collect the voices of paramedics and produce their story.

Take a Listen via CBC

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Text : How They Train You Out of Yourself - I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It…

If you want to keep your averages up, you’ll have to take a lower-level class.
Genuine interest and passion cannot compete with test scores.

Look right, look left, one of you will be gone by the end of the year.
Fear-based training.

Our job is to tear you down to build you into something different.
Forced to leave yourself behind.

You need to grow thicker skin.
Emotion has no place in this world.

You haven’t lived long enough yet.
An introduction to ageism and how it decides your understanding of trauma.

“No one listens to skinny pretty women.”
Appearance decides relevancy.

How They Train You Out of Yourself is a small selection of moments from my educational journey. Looking back, I am mortified at what I accepted as normal, part of the process, and often direct minimization of my intelligence as a young woman.
At the outset, we train children to only lean into and use their natural skill set rather than support them as they explore the various interests they may hold, no matter their skill or lack thereof. From that place, we are sent out to be trained, often grasping at straws at our possible value.
The underlying motivator in most professional practice training is fear, and we allow that to drive the narrative in lectures, testing, mentorship and in-field training.
Supporting this narrative creates a breeding ground for bullying in the forms of 'power imbalance’, gender-based discrimination, and racism, to name a few.

My healing back to myself has not come from the training I have received but from the constant and persistent demand from myself that I prohibit anyone and anything from discrediting my value as a whole person, body, mind and soul. Any words or actions said or done in any way to devalue my humanity are unacceptable to me now.

From that place of healing and respect for my humanity, I have found the mentors, teachers, and colleagues that teach, collaborate, and work with me in solidarity and raise me into my highest, most capable self.

I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts that are often considered taboo.

When I think about the pivotal, the thrilling and the most sacred moments in my life,

I think about the ‘hers.’

the words they spoke.
the solidarity they passed.

The tears they shared

The honesty they mined.
The courage they found.

& most importantly,

I think about how they made me whole.

Women I have been influenced and inspired by

(Their voices are embedded into my childhood in unique and pivotal ways)

• Lisa Ling

• Oprah Winfrey

• Sarah Polley

• Maya Angelou

• Julie Andrews

Women who challenge me to think differently

(They bring light to the ideas and broad scopes we need to have to grow and continue our life)

• Bari Weiss

• Brene Brown

• Dr.Shefali Tsabary

• Luvvii Ajayi Jones

• Jayme Poisson

Women doing things that catch my eyes

(They quite literally caught my eye from day 1)

• Jonna Jinton

• Amie Mcnee

• Brigitte Truong

• Janna Wilton Art

• Tricia Black

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Off white background with text : How They Lean on Her. I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… byamygrace.

Thank-you Cards.

All the gracious women do.

Say Yes.

Nothing is more important than prioritizing this.

Starting a family.

Every proper woman’s to do list.

Second, third child?

Don’t disappoint us.

Professional Family Photos

Everyone must know you have your priorities straight.

Sports and music lesson registrations.

All the good moms do.

Where have you been?

Nothing is more important than seeing me.

At home.

Be a productive member of society.

At work.

Don’t be selfish.

She does it.  Why can’t you?

Her success is your failure.

How They Lean on Her was written in 2022 after reflecting on the many explicit and implicit ways women carry the load of those around them.
This is not an extensive list, but a sampling of the various notations tucked away women have been trained to remember that cause strain. Even ladders have load baring instructions.
If I would suggest anything for us as humans and society to work towards, it is to actively offer women a way out of these ways of thinking. To take the load off our words and assumptions so easily placed on ‘her’ shoulders and mindfully get to know the ‘her’ that is naturally and wholly ‘individual’ in front of us.

I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts that are often considered taboo.

8.

Pulled into a bear hug.

Things strange men did.

14.

A family conversation on my shirt.

Because I had breasts now.

19.

Sitting inside a bank watching the men talk.

About money that is mine.

22.

“Let’s keep this between us.”

Secrets he convinced me to keep.

23.

“She’s loose.”

Because I responded to being seen.

25.

Heart beating with keys in hand.

Stalked in my favourite bookstore.

26.

“So you’ll be at home now.”

Assumptions made on my motherhood.

27.

“I don’t listen to pretty skinny women.”

He thought he’d make me a teaching tool.

32.

Scolded for sharing my strengths.

They taught me pride is a sin.

*and to be clear.

That is not even the half of it.

How the Patriarchy Found Its Way Inside of Me flew out of me in the Spring of 2022. I was feeling the weight of the feminine experience. Moments I heard about. Moments I lived. We often are not aware of the importance of our experiences until we lay them out on the table to be examined more closely.

In this piece, I lay out the age I was during these moments and what occurred. I was jarred to see how the ages often had multiple experiences. Here I chose to limit them to the ones that caused the strongest ripple effect through my life and how they altered my thinking.

I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts that are often considered taboo.

Black text on a paper background - The Writers Safe House. A Working Writers Monthly Meet Up. Virtual.

Since closing down The Creatives in 2017, a monthly meet-up for creative and entrepreneurial-focused women, I have been on a new journey.

Finding my sea legs in what it means to be a professional writer in the media industry.

It fascinates me how my work has evolved and sharpened its focus into a documentarian and journalistic lens these past years and yet - I have been opting in on the real-life stories that find me and learning with each new project how to honour them and hold space for them.

Writers should not be limited to any one thing, but to do their best with the story in front of them.

And this brings me to where I am today,

Ready to find five other working writers who are also seeking connection and a safe house for all they are working on and journeying through.

A Working Writer

A writer who actively works and is known by their peers as a writer. (journalist, scriptwriter, playwright, songwriter, essayist, researcher, author)

Monthly meetings

With a total of six members, meetings will occur once a month for up to two hours.
A week before the meeting writers will submit no more than three pages of work to be read by the collective membership. This process is for work feedback, insight and edits are wanted on.
During the meeting members will connect, update one another on work and life and discuss the members' submissions.

*Sharing any writing is a vulnerable business. The mission of Writers Safe House is to hold space for one another and the work. To empower, uplift and be in solidarity with.
There will be no tolerance for undercutting a person’s work, devaluing an idea/project or abusing trust.

Where / When

This will be a collective decision but assumedly via Zoom.
The collective will be gracious, and understanding regarding absences but attendance will be highly expected to create and remain in solidarity.

Why

Because writers need each other.
In safe and compassionate ways.

Please email: info@byamygrace.com to apply or slide @byamygrace DM’s

During the Autumn of 2022, I was welcomed into Shelter Movers Nova Scotia under CBC Radio to document and cover the work of volunteers and the process clients/survivors of intimate partner violence experience when using the service of Shelter Movers.

To read the Article: Read Here

To Listen to the radio doc: Listen Here

Following along a move.

res·o·nance| ˈrezənəns | noun
1 the quality in a sound of being deep, full, and reverberating: the resonance of his voice. • the ability to evoke or suggest images, memories, and emotions: the concepts lose their emotional resonance.
2 Physics the reinforcement or prolongation of sound by reflection from a surface or by the synchronous vibration of a neighboring object.
3 the condition in which an electric circuit or device produces the largest possible response to an applied oscillating signal, especially when its inductive and its capacitative reactances are balanced.

I have been holding back.

All it takes is one quick scroll on Youtube, Instagram or Twitter to realize the number of voices on any one thing is endless. The number of vlogs, podcasts, blogs, essays, articles, series, tik-toks, memes, commentaries, and message boards on any topic is overwhelming at best.

I have found it alarming, overwhelming and, quite frankly, scared to be a voice that isn't adding anything but more noise to the cacophony.

To become part of the machine that doesn't make room for grace, compassion and courage.

Yet, now it's time to think differently. To think with a longer-lasting perspective.

Resonance.

To develop and evoke quality, depth and fullness in creation that echoes through life and work.
To practice the art of resonance is:
To fully express the fullness of thought and meaning behind a concept.
To seek collaborative hands to be the champions and refining behind the work.
To take in more than one angle of perspective on any one thing and be refined by all that surrounds a topic.

Onwards,

Amy Grace

res·o·nance| ˈrezənəns | noun
1 the quality in a sound of being deep, full, and reverberating: the resonance of his voice. • the ability to evoke or suggest images, memories, and emotions: the concepts lose their emotional resonance.

space | spās | noun
1 a continuous area or expanse which is free, available, or unoccupied
2 the dimensions of height, depth, and width within which all things exist and move
3 an interval of time (often used to suggest that the time is short considering what has happened or been achieved in it)
4 the portion of a text or document available or needed to write about a subject
5 the freedom and scope to live, think, and develop in a way that suits one

This year has sharpened me in ways I was not sure I was ready for or wanted.

For as brave and bold as some may believe me to be, I, too, can cave to the depths of doubt and weakness.

I realized this year that to claim space meant I needed to rise up and hold that space with the confidence I have. To not just fake or pretend but to truly and wholly own.

I was raised in parts but not in whole, on the value of humbleness and meekness within one's womanhood.

Yet something was nagging on me.

Something that brought me to tears when it kept raising it’s ugly head.

It happened simply and quietly when expressing myself around a dinner table.

It went something like this:

"I can give them something unique. I am a skilled storyteller and carry something others don't have. My previous training and way of seeing things make me excellent at what I do."

"You should watch how you say that. That sounds prideful, and it isn't Godly." was the reply.

"It's not prideful at all. If any of the men in this family sat here and said the same thing, I know for a fact they would be praised for their skills and intelligence. The same is true here. I know my skills, weaknesses, and where I need and want to grow. Both can be true." I responded.

It was a simple and symbolic yet crushing moment of realization.

The work was endless.

The struggle might be forever.

I spent months after this exchange navigating my self-doubt and wondering if anything would come of anything.

Yet during that time, I was learning what I was worth and what I was willing to do to make the effort I could make known.

I found that effort and work within a project of holding space for others.

This is my passion, and I have learned this more than any other this year.

I am meant to hold space for myself to do the heavy and essential work of holding space for others.

It won't stop here.

This word.

This theme.

It's a lifetime commitment.

Just because a new year comes and with it a new word,

Space will remain a word that I will hold and continue to strive for.

I pray as 2022 turns 2023 that, our pauses of reflections of the days behind us remind us of the sacred and beautiful art of being wholly and fully capable in our places.

None of it is a mistake.

Every single moment is here for the teaching.

The making and the breathing.

Thank you, 2022, for being the year that reminded me of the true intent behind the work.

Onwards,

Episode XII - a study on reflecting and creating.

Creative Field Notes is a series that studies the way creativity weaves itself throughout and communicates with all aspects of the natural rhythms of life.

Episode XI - a study on the illusive and beautiful creative flow.

Creative Field Notes is a series that studies the way creativity weaves itself throughout and communicates with all aspects of the natural rhythms of life.

Episode X - a study on the beauty and journey of imperfection.

Creative Field Notes is a series that studies the way creativity weaves itself throughout and communicates with all aspects of the natural rhythms of life.

MUSIC: Think of Me - Phantom of the Opera.

Sheet music played by Amy Grace was sight read and played for the first time in three years.

con·ver·sa·tion | ˌkänvərˈsāSHən |

noun

a talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged: she picked up the phone and held a conversation in French | [mass noun] : the two men were deep in conversation.

Conversation is happening all around and within us.

What does that look like?

The exchange of news and ideas?

Social Media has given us the licence to sound off. To believe we are carrying a conversation when in truth, it is a sounding board of one.

How often are we genuinely crafting our words to create a dialogue that moves past the 'me vs. you?'

5 Simple ways we can create a safe space in a conversation:

1. Drop and remove any name-calling from referencing a person or group of persons. e.g. clowns, idiots, etc.

When we rely on a caricature of an individual or group, we strip 'others' of their humanity and their identity as living and breathing individuals on this earth.

2. Know your values and realize that others' values will never perfectly align with yours.

When we truly honour our values, it's much easier to relax into the idea that someone else may be different. We stop being so concerned with the differences, become more content with our choices, and get curious about what makes others who they are.

3. Get curious.

When divisive statements/topics arise, realize there is often so much more than the statement beneath what is said. Upbringing, age, culture, personal experiences, and generational wounds are the backing of many of these strong stances.

4. Recognize you cannot change minds.

Instead of trying to convince someone of something, stand by your values and perspective while expressing yourself. Often it's our own calm and unwavering convictions that speak louder than any debate ever could.

5. Never tolerate bullying/racism /hate etc.

Safe space cannot exist within the atmosphere of bullying, racism etc. When this occurs, shut it down, don't negotiate or tolerate it.

I am reminded of Maya Angelou's statements when a racist comment was said in her house during a party she was hosting.

"I'm convinced that the negative has power. It lives. And if you allow it to perch in your house, in your mind, in your life, it can take you over. So when the rude or cruel thing is said—the lambasting, the gay bashing, the hate—I say, "Take it all out of my house!" Those negative words climb into the woodwork and into the furniture, and the next thing you know, they'll be on my skin."

You do the courageous thing, a small one, and you like yourself. And then you do another two, three, and you like yourself better. And before you know it, you are able to say, "Excuse me, not in my house, you don't. You don't paint my walls with poison and vulgarity. You will not do it in my house. Out. Is this your purse? Thank you. Bye."

- Maya Angelou

As children, we naturally live by our values.

We live emotionally open, follow our passions, explore new ideas, and ultimately seek connection with those we love and care for.
We don't fight or argue this with ourselves.
We simply do.

Why is this so hard to do as we grow up?

Our true sense of self and our true values become intertwined with expectations, societal norms, financial constraints and ultimately 'fears'.
Fear of not being taken seriously, fear of rejection, fear of missing out, fear of losing our value.
Yet…

How much value can we genuinely hold if we are not living to the true values of our inner selves?

Begin broadly.

1. What do you value in life as a whole?

• Moving my body

• Spending time with loved ones

• Reading

• Nature

• Meaningful work

• Eating well (both for health & enjoyment)

  2. Categorize into daily, monthly, and seasonal values.

How do these values show up in your routine? Do you value reading every day or on the weekends? Do you want to be in nature once a week or just once a month? Do you have hobbies as values that may fit best into autumn? (Puzzles, dance class, baking?)

3. Expand.

Fill out your days, weeks, and seasonal categories. It helps to put all the possible values down and edit after. Often, we don’t know what we value or have as an expectation/routine for ourselves until we fully meditate on and see it all in front of us.
Other values could be: keeping up on chores, storytime with the kids, date nights, and getting to work on time.

4. Reflect and Edit

As you live out your daily/weekly values, edit along the way. See what's working and what isn't. Often we expect too much from ourselves and must be humble enough to realize we have bogged ourselves down with too many expectations, either from others or ourselves. Be realistic. How much can you fit in a day? How much can you honour during a week or month? And for what you value, you may find that you can move that value from a daily routine to something less often or vice versa. Enjoy learning about yourself along the way.

Maybe there is something you thought you valued that you don't. Perhaps you find that what you value during some parts of the year, you don't value other times. Maybe your values change depending on where you live, your job, etc. Be at peace with course correcting and making adjustments.

5. Lean into your values.

If you change them quarterly or monthly, let yourself enjoy the values you create and meditate on them daily.

*Some practical applications:
I keep a list of my daily, weekly, and seasonal (currently, it's Autumn) values in my notes app. I use it as a guide as I move throughout the day, week and month. I put a star beside the ones I have honoured, reminding me of the ones I have ignored or am realizing may not fit during this season of my life.

Episode IX - a study on the process of letter writing.

Creative Field Notes is a series that studies the way creativity weaves itself throughout and communicates with all aspects of the natural rhythms of life.

Dear Autumn,

I’ve been anticipating you.

There was something in the air recently… I knew you would come. That brisk note in the breeze. The urgent tug at my hair last week. The whispering rain that hit the window pain late last night.

Your calling card leaves me with goosebumps on my flesh and a shiver of excitement down my spine. I turned to look, and there you were.

Did you expect me to be this ready for you?

If they had told me that I would get this weak for you years ago, I wouldn’t have believed them.

I didn’t understand then how much glory and beauty there is in shedding what isn’t serving you.

I thought the blooming, the growing, and the standing tall and proud made the soul beautiful.

And now I see…

that I need you.

I need to be reminded of everything that has been of use. It doesn’t just fall to the ground to die; it becomes the fertilizer, the nutrients, the saving grace.

dearest Autumn, 
I promise you

• to write with raw honesty.

• to dance like the wind.

• to share through vulnerability.

• to notice what leaves and what remains.

• to pray for more grace and strength.

& if there is anything more for me to lose this season, I pray you will hold my hand as I go and show me the brilliance in the falling of the leaves.

Onwards,

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