A short radio documentary with CBC Mainstreet Nova Scotia, on the co-owners Maria Radelich and Shannon Platt of Pelivco Health Centre along with their clients to learn about pelvic health and why taking the needs of all gender-specific dysfunctions is important.
This read hit a thousand nerves. Those I knew about and those I didn’t. I would tingle at the end of each segment, knowing that Emily was laying bare the truths so many of us women walk around with, no matter our physical classification. Her obvious ‘hinting’ at various people makes me slightly unsettled. I would much rather her say their names outright since it was so obvious with her descriptions, but perhaps this was changed in edits for legal reasons.
I have admired Emmanuel and his grace-filled way of addressing life and society's circumstances. This book is the same. He so puts, without elevating himself, how he has been able to push beyond the logical limits of his life. There is no trick, simply a way of thought that has helped propel him forward. I enjoyed the reflections at the end of each chapter to help put his ideas into personal perspective.
Julie writes and talks in a way that reminds me of my late paternal grandmother. In that classic British way yet with the colour and grit of someone who is not above a dirty joke or can’t see the humour in tragedy. Reading Julie’s reflections on her life makes me feel slightly connected to that crass classy side of my grandmother and to the beautiful makings of who I would say is one of my childhood and adult icons. I admire that Julie has kept onward and upwards in every aspect of her life.
I have been picking away at this read for several years now. Mostly with my partner, but recently I decided to pick it back up to finish it. Although I found Dr.Sheflai's “Conscious Parenting” book more enlightening, I found nuggets of reflection in this read. It doesn’t read easily, but it is profound in its content.
FILM/TV SHOWS OF NOTE
Ted Lasso S03 - This show has carried us through the worst of the pandemic world, and hopefully, with its end, we will also see a little more light. The type of light it has given us in every uplifting episode where it subverts what our suspicious minds have so easily misread and misjudged.
The Little Mermaid Live Action - A memorable moment in the cinema with my favourite girls & a great elevation of the Disney classic. Prince Eric is now a three-dimensional character. Bravo Disney.
Julia S01 - Quite literally one of the most beautiful pieces of television I have watched. Based on Julia Child’s rise to become a famous television chef, this series was the warm French meal we didn’t know we needed. I shouldn’t have been surprised that the creator behind it was also on “The Marvellous Mrs.Maisel” team—elegance and depth in storytelling echo throughout these projects.
Encanto - Another deep tale centring around Mariable Madrigal and her big magical family and home. In case you missed it, this animation gives light on generational trauma and how it ripple effects into the next generations. It’s deeply compelling and musically excellent.
came to me out of a deep desire to sink deeper into a medium and craft of audio storytelling I hadn’t let myself consider or even believe was possible for me. And yet, as 2022 ended, I found a new side of myself. A shiny new side that was there all along.
As I have worked the past six months to align myself with those that would help me develop quality, deep and evocative work and life, I have found something else. Something I didn’t expect.
I wasn’t only finding the fullness of others and the projects but a fullness in myself.
A deepening and broadening of horizons and. The point that I have had a hard time swallowing it all because everything up until this point has told me
There is not enough money for you.
You don’t have what it takes.
Your role is ‘this,’ not ‘that.’
You thought you were good at this, but you are not.
Etc.
Over the past two months, I have started to implement the concept of seeing what aligns with my values as a whole person. Not just as the person who pitches stories… but also as the woman.
The Amy Grace.
What does she want?
What is she capable of?
*it seems so silly to admit to these things… Haven’t I been doing this all along?
The revelation is that I have been trying to be myself in a box. A box I still desperately wanted to fit.
With this new understanding, I take resonances hand and explore what is outside the box and what is possible with the me that I am and the me I continue to find out I can be.
This collection of plants was put in a shallow terra cotta bowl to ward off bugs. All plants that mosquitos and other pesky bugs don’t like. I liked the idea, and although I may buy these plants individually next year, I thought it made sense to give the collection a go.
Keds are my go-to shoes. Over spring, I picked up this pair for work days while in the house and using my standing desk.
Sweetly given upon her arrival back to my province. On my first application, I was sent back to a time when the store JACOB used to be in Nova Scotia and how they would sell and give their fragrance. It was my favourite until the chain folded/moved out of every province. I remember being disappointed over it. This scent reminds me so much of that fragrance, and I love it.
The kit lens that came with my Cannon ER0S went with a 24 - 105 kit lens which, although significant, is a lot to tote around. This new lens captures a master-wide shot and gives a sense of intimacy. It provides a perspective that the other one can’t.
Although I had a copy given to me years ago, it had baggage with the history of it. I decided this beautiful edition would be its replacement. I love the brush strokes and how it almost seems wet in appearance—art in its purest and raw form.
A sweet gift from a friend away.
Motherhood
It was never supposed to be a one-size-fits-all but a unique role…like an individual fingerprint.
Only ‘you’ can hold that imprint.
It’s yours to design.
Report Cards
They were never a true reflection of my full intelligence,
merely a report on how well I assimilated into one mould of learning.
Gender Roles
The script about our roles and identity was a constructed play developed by culture.
What we do with our roles is entirely up to ourselves.
Scarcity
The high vigilance to protect ‘what is’
keeps us restrained from the abundance of ‘what can be’.
Fear
Its job was not to keep you frozen in place.
Its job was to nudge you to move in the direction you need to move best for you.
Expectations
They were never going to be satisfied with how you fulfilled their hopes and ideals.
Inhale, exhale.
You are enough.
Limitations
They can be torn down; it just takes work.
Things I Am Learning to Unlearn was written after realizing how much I was processing through old belief systems. Everything from one’s childhood to one’s adulthood, we collect ‘so-called’ truths from our environments and ultimately, if we are privileged and aware enough, spend the entirety of our lives unlearning what we took on that was never ours to believe in the first place.
I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts often considered taboo.
Despite the third season of Bridgerton not coming out until late 2023, I wanted to make sure I had read its ‘inspired by’ corresponding book. Bridgerton seasons are often different from the texts. Still, I enjoy reading how Julia wrote the characters and how Shonda Rhimes works magic to make a Regency-era series reflect a variety of cultures and tones of today. Shonda continues to break the ceilings in television and give us audience cultural nutrients in the guise of a dessert. In the fourth book, which will be the third season of the Netflix series, we get the story of Collin & Pen. I loved every delicious and sweet mishap. Any more, and I’ll spoil it, but let’s say it’s my second favourite book thus far in the series.
Ms.Dolly constantly throws out truth bombs, and I loved this short, quirky little read.
Despite the somewhat slow start, this read is an excellent example of giving the reader just enough to want to continue reading and finding out ‘more.’ It is safe to say; I did not see the ending coming. Enough said.
TV/FILMS OF NOTE
Selena: My Mind & Me - I love how Selena lays out her mental health journey in a human way. It’s a normal human thing, and I hope our generation and those that follow can do it better. Open up our journeys and humanize them. They are not to be ashamed of. We learn so much from each other when we are honest.
Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery - A sister film to Knives Out featuring the detective from the first film. A classic, quirky and twisty ‘who dun it.’
Succession S04 - If Shakespeare was making television…you would get Succession. Every episode was intense and equally dark in the most thought-provoking ways.
The Marvellous Mrs. Maisel S05 - ripped apart that this was the last season. Saying goodbye to these characters was torture, yet every episode was a joy, intellectually stimulating and earth-shifting in delivery. True art. Amy Sherman Palladino OUTDID herself with these characters.
Pursue the deep, the wonder and the voiceless…there is always gold in what has not yet been given light.
Anyone that leaves you behind has lost the plot. Their time in your story has passed and if they resurface, only you can say if they belong in the new pages of your story or not.
Resist the temptation to repeat old patterns / ways of connecting. You do it different.
No one wants to leave you. They simply haven’t healed themselves enough to stay.
You have the strongest ties to the ones that will be there for the worst of it all. Give those ties a tug when needed. They’ll be there.
Your bit of earth is rich and vibrant. Watch it grow and cultivate it during the quiet seasons. Quiet doesn’t mean fallow.
Everything that is inside you that tells you are unintelligent is a lie. Your intelligence moves mountains not only outwardly but on the insides of others. Don’t hide your processing and thoughts. It’s your calling to share.
Celebrate every win. Don’t shy away from being proud.
Listen to your gut. It has never steered you wrong.
If you thought ‘family’ was a word to pitch your tent to, think again. Learn. Connect and learn again.
Lean not on others, but stand upright on the two feet you were given.
Take up space and hold space in every room you walk into.
Reject every 'othering’ narrative that seeks to control a room.
Embrace the woman and mothering ways that only you uniquely inhabit.
Work on what you are aware of, stay learning and work some more.
Be the friend you need and want… but draw the line at being used and sucked dry.
Process every wound and give it air. Work to find it’s best healing and do not deny its presence and process.
Expect more from yourself. You are already capable of more than you realize.
If you were told to let someone else do it in your childhood / young adult years, give it a go alone. See if you are capable. (you probably are.)
Drive. Stay independant. Never let fear drive the car.
Dress to please you and how you want to present yourself. Not for anyone else.
When faced with misogyny / sexual misconduct, do not accept the blame. Call out the toxic patriarchy and let your words speak for themselves.
Stay courageous, vulnerable and open….and share when you feel safe.
Rather than letting them define you, define yourself.
Travel when it suits you. If it doesn’t, don’t. If it does, do.
You always know when it’s time for a change. Your restless heart beat will let you know.
Others won’t be ready for your changes, but you will be. Let that be enough.
Protect your independence and ability to stand on your own two feet. Question anyone who wants to make you dependant.
Question anyone who puts you on a pedestal.
“Just between us” is a death sentence.
Move your body. You will always feel better after.
Anyone you have loved has gotten a glimpse of heaven through your love…don’t discredit your heart and what you have given.
Stay witty. You are a firecracker and they love that about you. (& it keeps you alive for yourself)
Stay you. Stay Amy freaking Grace.
“They/Them vs. We/Us”
Elevating our perspectives, experiences and perceived knowledge by keeping anyone believed as ‘other’ in a category of ‘they/them.’
Identifying a human being with the identifier of ‘Clown / Fool / Idiot/use of a Clown Emoji’.
In the arena of supposed adult intellectual conversation, leveraging and permitting the art of playground name-calling.
A Special Note:
On a School playground, we call this bullying.
In the arena of adults: this is still called bullying.
“Must Be Nice”
Words said to make you feel unsettled in what you have, subsequently diminishing the struggles of what you don’t have.
A Special Note:
The Dictionary defines this as jealousy.
Use of “Hun/Hunny” and other pet names in conflict.
To degrade, dismiss and control the concerns/narratives of another.
“Are you sure this is the hill you want to die on?”
Because they took it and they think you should too.
“It’s okay."
Used to assure you that the rise of alarm bells within you doesn’t matter.
“Fake”
Diminishing a person with one word to control the narrative.
How We Dehumanize Others was written from a place of trauma and ache.
We walk on this earth in such a vulnerable state as humans, and yet we rarely take a minute to look around us. No comparison is needed, no dressing down required, and no mic drop moment desired to recognize we are all mere humans surviving on this earth.
A gradual conviction grew in me over the past decade where I recognized how I, those around me and anyone could so easily strip another person's human identity from them with mere words.
Our words can be as resounding as a gun.
& for this ‘I Never Promised,’ I specifically want to highlight the Evangelical Christians who raised me. The ones who spout words online as if it’s their right, yet how often do they pause and think about the words they use? The vitriol they are spilling all over the screens of others. For what?
Solidarity?
For Christians, there should be a higher standard in words, yet the lack of care, tenderness and compassion so often shakes me.
I have been dehumanized not just by people's callous statements but also by those who raised me. Who so easily strip me of my humanity with how they talk about my profession, friends, colleagues and life.
We must demand more from ourselves.
More from our humanity.
& especially more from the practice of a faith which claims Grace as its saviour.
I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts that are often considered taboo.
Emma Thompson is not just an actor, she is also a beautiful story teller. I love her wit, her groundless and especially this special addition to a beloved character. If you come across this sweet children’s book, please give it a read.
Another children’s book in the form of a group of sisters who are despairing their fathers potential courtships years after their mothers death. Each character gives a sweet image of girlhood, sisterhood and all that makes childhood entertaining, despairing and utterly dramatic.
The second in A Court of Thorns and Roses series. Being an avid studier in storytelling and all that makes a series work, this second novel didn’t disappoint. I could see the reveals that were coming and yet even still they were expertly places and beautifully executed. It’s no wonder it will be turned into a television series adaptation. And if anyone is wondering, the heroine remains as riveting as ever.
Films / TV Series of Note
CODA - Because he needed to see it, and the second re watch was just as moving. Makes me miss the friendships and connections made through my first career as an American Sign Language Interpreter…. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my partner cry as hard during a film as he did in this one.
Game Night - Anytime I thought the twists were done, there was another. Impressive.
Succession S04 - For the incredible Shakespearian style storytelling paired next to modern day ridiculous behaviour that… unfortunately is more relatable than we’d like to admit.
The Marvellous Mrs.Maisel S05 - Drawing out each and EVERY episode.
Flatlay of three books: The Further Tale of Peter Rabbit, The Penderwicks on Graham Street, A Court of Mist and Fury
Releasing Expectations & Rejecting Scarcity - byamygrace
expectation | ˌekˌspekˈtāSH(ə)n | noun a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future: reality had not lived up to expectations | there is the expectation that some individuals will do better in the program than others | he drilled his men in expectation of a Prussian advance. • a belief that someone will or should achieve something: students had high expectations for their future. • (expectations) archaic one's prospects of inheritance.
scarcity | ˈskersədē | noun (plural scarcities) the state of being scarce or in short supply; shortage: a time of scarcity | the growing scarcity of resources.Last Year I made an active decision to step back from my own perception of ‘expectations’.
I began letting go of the expectations and uncovering the root of scarcity as a belief system. Be it perceived expectations by myself or real expectations from outside myself; I had been carrying a weight I identified would not allow me to grow further.
Being the sole organizer and leader for family and friendships.
The belief system in the traditional path into media and creative writing is the only true path.
Our small family and personal life choices will match those we interact with.
The belief in exactly who would/will be in my corner when the chips were down, and real life was crashing in.
Our ability to enjoy ourselves is limited.
Certainty.
Since actively working daily on letting go of expectations from myself and society/others, I have realized that so much of my pain is self-induced and has also been permitted by me.
Engaging in in-depth and connective family and friendships that go deep.
Sinking into a documentary journalism career that I love, am excellent at and continue to thrive and grow in.
Celebrating our unique choices and options as a small family to engage with each other and the world around us.
Enjoying deepening the small collective of friends, family and colleagues who continue to show up for me/us.
Identifying the trauma and roots of scarcity within my family and society.
Looking ahead to the future with curiosity and wonder rather than with fear and scarcity.
Releasing expectations and rejecting scarcity is not a practice I will be automatically able to step away from. This is a practice I will have to remain mindful of and continue the self-reflective work to find the roots of fear and continue pulling them out one at a time.
Onwards,
IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Tulips sprouting from garden earth. Text: Spring 2023 - byamygrace
I felt the heaviness of the project I was working on (a project that highlighted the severe plight of paramedics in my Province) and the lack of connection to my faith, which usually feels closer during the Lent season. I felt the pressing in of my life and business partners' trip in early April coming all too fast.
I decorated for Easter with lacklustre. I found agony in how other families gathered and celebrated bunnies, eggs and cute family photos in a way I have been unable to make happen again since childhood.
Yet as the sun begins its descent each evening, I have felt a promise of a world opening up. A new birth to a new version of the life we have been living.
New life, a rebirth.
The broken, the perceived dead could be risen out of the ground and made into something we couldn't have imagined.
Enough of this life I thought would be.
Enough of this old narrative and the old way of doing things.
It is time to embrace the miracles. The right now moments are rich with potential and joy.
Surface small talk to get me by
Hesitating in scarcity mentality in my work
Staying street bound in family movement
Sinking into the weight of death.
Welcoming deep, intelligent connections and conversations
Investing back into the work, I am driven to create
Embracing collective family movement
Celebrating life.
I picked this up on a whim, hoping it was as comforting a read as it appeared. It is precisely that. City Nurse Practitioner / Midwife looking for a new life in a small country town. It’s a story of the ages and delivers with every page.
I remember feeling jealous of the other High School English classes having this as required reading. My specific class did not. I am finally getting to it, and it did not disappoint. It’s heavy. It’s tragic. It’s complex. It’s deep. It’s real. I sincerely appreciate the work and craft behind this book.
I grew up in a white-washed culture and perspective. No one is to blame for that. It just was. Fall On Your Knees was a deep dive into multiple cultures, women coping with their circumstances and the nuance of immigrant families that have existed for decades in Canada.
A fun, mysterious rapid read ‘who done it’ with enough twists and turns to keep one intrigued and flipping the pages. Great for those who love a good ‘elite private school’ mystery.
TV / FILMS OF NOTE:
Why Women Kill S01 - For the mystery, the surprise and the fun.
Coco - A great cultural look at Mexican culture, family and identity.
Downton Abbey A New Era - The best Downton Film thus far. Fun and profoundly moving in its own right.
IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Text : How They Train You Out of Yourself - I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It…
If you want to keep your averages up, you’ll have to take a lower-level class.
Genuine interest and passion cannot compete with test scores.
Look right, look left, one of you will be gone by the end of the year.
Fear-based training.
Our job is to tear you down to build you into something different.
Forced to leave yourself behind.
You need to grow thicker skin.
Emotion has no place in this world.
You haven’t lived long enough yet.
An introduction to ageism and how it decides your understanding of trauma.
“No one listens to skinny pretty women.”
Appearance decides relevancy.
How They Train You Out of Yourself is a small selection of moments from my educational journey. Looking back, I am mortified at what I accepted as normal, part of the process, and often direct minimization of my intelligence as a young woman.
At the outset, we train children to only lean into and use their natural skill set rather than support them as they explore the various interests they may hold, no matter their skill or lack thereof. From that place, we are sent out to be trained, often grasping at straws at our possible value.
The underlying motivator in most professional practice training is fear, and we allow that to drive the narrative in lectures, testing, mentorship and in-field training.
Supporting this narrative creates a breeding ground for bullying in the forms of 'power imbalance’, gender-based discrimination, and racism, to name a few.
My healing back to myself has not come from the training I have received but from the constant and persistent demand from myself that I prohibit anyone and anything from discrediting my value as a whole person, body, mind and soul. Any words or actions said or done in any way to devalue my humanity are unacceptable to me now.
From that place of healing and respect for my humanity, I have found the mentors, teachers, and colleagues that teach, collaborate, and work with me in solidarity and raise me into my highest, most capable self.
I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts that are often considered taboo.
IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Photo of Amy Grace with Cream Wool Hat and Mittens wearing a black winter coat. Snow Covered trees in the background. Text overtop the image: Winter 2023 Capsule Wardrobe - byamygrace
I don’t remember the last time I owned a winter hat I truly loved. Possibly High School? I appreciate the thickness and warmth of these mittens and matching hat along with the style. Understated, yet on trend.
Spoiled by my cousin, this sweater arrived for me over Christmas. She absolutely hit the mark with this one. I adore wearing it during my winter yoga or cardio sessions.
Interestingly enough, I did not realize when I ordered this body suit online that it would come with shoulder pads. Somehow I missed this very CLEAR description or perhaps got redirected to a different one. Either way, shoulder pads are very much ‘NOT’ my thing. After trying it on and realizing how much I liked the fit etc., I thought I could take the shoulder pads out.
I did and saved myself a trip into the city to replace it with a different one.
I think about the ‘hers.’
the words they spoke.
the solidarity they passed.The tears they shared
The honesty they mined.
The courage they found.
(Their voices are embedded into my childhood in unique and pivotal ways)
(They bring light to the ideas and broad scopes we need to have to grow and continue our life)
(They quite literally caught my eye from day 1)
IMAGE DESCRIPTION: a child reads a book in a chair beside a stack of books. TEXT: February Reads 2023 byamygrace overtop image.
Although I know Book #4 will be the focus of the next instalment of Shonda Rhimes Adaptation of the Bridgerton Series, I will not be trying to rush the series. I picked up book #3 for the month and enjoyed its Cinderella influence. This book focuses on Benedict Bridgerton, and it’s a fun dessert of a read. No complaints. Simply sweet.
A collection of essays from Jennifer and multiple writers on courage, desire and belonging. This passage from Jennifer has stuck with me since closing the book.
“We need both sides of storytelling-listening to others’ stories and telling our own - to embrace one another in our full humanity. In bearing witness, we allow ourselves to be witnessed. This is the life-changing power of storytelling - to connect those of us who will never meet or have just met, as well as to deeper our connections to the people we love the most. Listen with an open heart and without judgement to what others have to share, and take courage from these pages as you go out and tell the world your truth.”
Following a nurse in a maternity ward in 1918 during the height of a pandemic, aka “The Great Flu,” we get a peek into what it was like to be serving the many women who were coming in sick and pregnant. Many are without their husbands and support and are about to die. This read took me longer to get through than I would like, but topically it feels important enough to finish all the way around.
Jillian takes the classic The Great Gatsby and gives us the spin we all need. Form the eyes of the women. Daisy, Jordon and Catherine, Myrtle’s sister, all take the leading roles in this perspective shift. From Jordon on the golf course, Daisy on her mission to find a husband, and Catherine finding her own way in New York City, we get a whirlwind tale that, if I am being honest, I prefer significantly to the original.
IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Four books in a row: Hungry Hearts by Jennifer Rudolph Walsh, The Pull of the Stars by Emma Donoghue, Beautiful Little Fools by Jillian Cantor, An Offer From a Gentleman by Julia Quinn
IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Off white background with text : How They Lean on Her. I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… byamygrace.
Thank-you Cards.
All the gracious women do.
Say Yes.
Nothing is more important than prioritizing this.
Starting a family.
Every proper woman’s to do list.
Second, third child?
Don’t disappoint us.
Professional Family Photos
Everyone must know you have your priorities straight.
Sports and music lesson registrations.
All the good moms do.
Where have you been?
Nothing is more important than seeing me.
At home.
Be a productive member of society.
At work.
Don’t be selfish.
She does it. Why can’t you?
Her success is your failure.
How They Lean on Her was written in 2022 after reflecting on the many explicit and implicit ways women carry the load of those around them.
This is not an extensive list, but a sampling of the various notations tucked away women have been trained to remember that cause strain. Even ladders have load baring instructions.
If I would suggest anything for us as humans and society to work towards, it is to actively offer women a way out of these ways of thinking. To take the load off our words and assumptions so easily placed on ‘her’ shoulders and mindfully get to know the ‘her’ that is naturally and wholly ‘individual’ in front of us.
I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts that are often considered taboo.
IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An assortment of items laying on a table: Book titled ‘Fall on Your Knees’, Valentine Cards, a notebook with 2023 and Resonance written on the front pages, a ceramic decorative house, a tube of hand cream called made by ‘Fresh’, and a blue sweater.
& all of a sudden we are wrapping up the winter weeks…
Canadian Author and playwright Ann-Marie writes beautifully, and I only wish I had read this years ago. The two-part plays are showing in my city, and it would be lovely to see them if possible.
These valentines bought for our daughter to give to her classmates from a local store, Kept, were our way to support local rather than a box store.
Every new year I create a new day planner based on the ‘bullet journal’ method created by Ryder Carrol. I am especially pleased with how this year’s creation turned out, as I am getting more and more specific in what works for me and what doesn’t.
On those cold winter days at my desk, having a small tube of this cream has been a lovely pick me up when my hands feel extra dry.
Spoiled by my cousin for Christmas. She made sure I was toasty and trendy for 2023. I ADORE this hoodie.
A wee gift from my daughter for Christmas. I love the simplicity of this aesthetic along with the ability to switch on the house lights. Simple and understated. It gives a happy glow on winter evenings.
